DIVORCE MEDIATION

Divorce is never easy.  Whether it is mandated by the court or sought out independently, mediation has been proven to make divorce as painless as possible.  Traditional divorce proceedings place the judge in the position to determine your custody arrangement whether or not it is in either parent’s best interest or the best interest of the children.  Only you can know the intricacies of the family life you have lived thus far.  You know better than anyone else what it is that will make the transition easier for your children.    With mediation, you and your spouse will negotiate the various factors associated with divorce independently and present the results to the judge rather than the other way around.  Couples enduring traditional divorces without mediation can wait months in between court dates only to be postponed yet again.  Mediation speeds the process while addressing each person’s unique needs.

As your mediator, I am interested in helping you to find the best possible outcome for all involved.  I am here to help you investigate the possibility of a win-win scenario.  I don’t judge, because I am in full recognition that I couldn’t possibly know exactly where each of you are coming from.  Instead it is my goal to gain insight into where you hope to go moving forward and what you want for your children as time goes on.  With this knowledge we can work together to facilitate the best possible course toward obtaining your goal.  Sometimes people are surprised by the impact of mediation.  Throughout the process they develop a different sort of understanding of their spouse which includes a certain respect for differences.  You are getting divorced, but that does not mean you absolutely must feel disdain toward one another.       

THE BASICS

Mediation provides divorcing couples a means of separating amicably while dramatically reducing the negative impact on any children involved.  So, how do you go about getting started?

When you call for your initial consultation we will ask a few questions in an effort to develop a general idea of what brings you to mediation and which issues you are hoping to resolve.  We understand and respect that each party may bring different issues to the table, so we like to speak with both parties prior to the first session.  During the initial call we will give you a general idea of the premise of mediation and what to expect at the first session.
 
When you arrive at the first session, which is usually a joint session, a detailed description of mediation will be provided and confidentiality agreements will be signed.  Each party will have the opportunity to voice and questions or concerns regarding the process at this time.
 
The initial joint session as well as subsequent joint sessions are usually scheduled in two hour increments.  Individual sessions are typically one hour in length unless otherwise specified.

When both parties come to agreement on an issue, a memorandum of understanding will be drawn up to reflect our progress in an official capacity.  We may also call your attorney at the close of the session to update them verbally on the progress made. 

THE PROCESS

When a couple either decides to mediate or is mandated to do so, the benefits are plentiful.  Expenses are dramatically cut along with the constant and unproductive battle back and forth between attorneys.  Your attorney’s job is to advocate solely for you.  Your spouse’s attorney will be doing the same for their client.  The focus is squarely on winning at the other parents’ expense without regard for the possibility of a win-win outcome.  Foregoing mediation is often at the expense of everyone’s best interest; yours, your spouses and your children’s.  When couples can’t agree independently their attorney’s do their best to advocate for each parties stated desires, however it is ultimately the court or the judge who makes the final decision.  Often this decision is not a reflection of what you wanted or what your spouse wanted, and sometimes it is a solution which both parties find more offensive than the options they each generated independently.
 
Mediation provides you the opportunity to independently determine your future and that of your children based upon the specifics of your situation.  Disagreement in mediation is inevitable and expected.  Mediators are trained to recognize even the most subtle of negotiating points which might not be readily visible to you and your spouse.

There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to divorce or custody arrangements.  Only you and your spouse can know the unique aspects of your situation and what might be the most effective means of transitioning your children through the divorce. 
   
Mediation is not limited to the negotiation of custody issues.  Financial planning and distribution of assets are also potential issues of conflict.
   
CONFIDENTIALITY

As a Professional Counselor I am bound by confidentiality.  Confidentiality is also one of the hallmarks of divorce mediation.  Each party will sign a confidentiality agreement prior to the start of the first mediation session.  While the any agreement produced in mediation is presented to the court, the means of coming to that agreement remains confidential. 

Your attorney is representing you and is therefore exempt from confidentiality.  By that I mean that each party will openly keep their attorney apprised of the content of mediation.  In some cases, clients may feel more comfortable if their attorney attends mediation with them.  This is acceptable, though the attorney is bound by the same confidentiality regulations as you, your spouse and the mediator.

COST EFFECTIVE

Perhaps you have been surprised to learn the hourly rate of your attorney.  Now multiply that by two considering both you and your spouse are paying separately.  The legal costs of two lawyers can magnify the stress and anxiety of divorce.  Not only are you paying dual attorney fees, but also dual house payments/rent, dual utilities etc.  Now is a time when you would like to be saving money for your future and for the future of your children, or at least not going further into debt.   Mediation accomplishes multiple times the amount in a fraction of the time at a more reasonable rate.  There is no reason to deplete your savings only to end your divorce in anger and hostility.  Attorneys welcome and appreciate the utilization of mediators as well.  It increases their efficiency and allows them to focus on the larger issues rather than all the “he said – she said” aspects of the divorce process.

YOUR CHILDREN

As stated previously, your attorneys are hired to advocate for you.  Often the kids’ best interests are overlooked in favor of winning.  I have my Masters Degree in Professional Counseling as well as 14 years of experience in the field.  I have worked extensively with both children and adolescents, as well as adults of all ages.  I have also worked with families and couples in the area of relationship development as well as conflict management. 

I have had the opportunity to experience divorce and its’ effects first hand.  I fully respect the right of children to have a happy childhood regardless of whether their parents are married or divorced.  I fully respect your right to any number of adverse feelings toward your spouse.  You are divorcing for a reason.  I realize that at times it can be difficult to see past your own hurt feelings and/or anger to acknowledge and honor your kids’ right to your spouse as a parent.  These conflictual feelings go both ways and I understand that everyone feels justified.  I am accustomed to working with both parties to create novel solutions addressing the needs of both parents while honoring the childrens’ rights.  While this may not seem possible at this point in the process for you, people are often quite surprised by the progress that can be made and the unique solutions which can be generated.